


What ... The ... Hell

by Chakahlah



Series: The Harridan Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-18
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-29 18:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chakahlah/pseuds/Chakahlah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a stranger in town. Ciel laughs, Sebastian is speechless and Undertaker is behaving like a child who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar … My God! Hell has frozen over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What ... The ... Hell

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who read this story over on FF.net, it's still the same one. The next addition to this 'series' has been written just not typed so it shouldn't be too long before it gets posted ... Hopefully.

What … The … Hell …

 

Sebastian and Ciel looked at the decrepit shopfront with a mixture of annoyance, hesitation and amusement. Ciel was hesitant and annoyed because, even though the owner of the shop they were standing before was the best person to go to for information, his payment was excruciating. Sebastian, on the other hand, was both amused and slightly hesitant about being there. Amused because, as a demon under contract, he found everything that annoyed his young Master amusing and hesitant because the … being … in the shop was:

 

1)     Not human

2)     Dangerous enough to make even _him_ weary and

3)     Certifiably insane.

 

Taking a deep breath, Ciel walked through the door Sebastian had opened for his Master.

 

“Undertaker! Are you in?” Ciel called with his eyes closed.

 

“Hello Young Earl,” A creepy voice answered, accompanied by the slow high-pitched screech of un-oiled hinges. “Have you come to test out the coffin I made especially for you?”

 

A deep chuckle sounded, casing Ciel to freeze, Sebastian to whip around in shock and Undertaker to still and go even paler than he was normally. “Still trying to convince the living to pose in your creations are we, my Dear?”

 

“N-n-n-no?” Undertaker squeaked ignoring the shocked looks he was receiving from the young Earl and the demon butler.

 

“Come now, Precious,” the voice said, this time from behind the frozen ex-grim reaper. “You know you can’t lie to me.”

 

“Who do you think you are?” Ciel yelled once he found his voice.

 

“Oh, Hello Little Lord,” the voice said from behind the duo once again. “Please forgive my poor manners.” In a flash of light – where once was nothing – stood a man with vibrant green eyes and mid-calf length hair that was a deeper black than even Sebastian’s.

 

Physically, the unknown male didn’t look like much. He was very slender and would have only come up to the centre of Sebastian’s chest – and the bottom of Undertaker’s chin. Sebastian ignored the fact the stranger wore a stylish – and expensive – pair of glasses, after all, Reapers and Mey-Rin wore glasses and they couldn’t be classified as completely  harmless.

 

Even though the stranger didn’t look like a problem, something about him made Sebastian weary. He tensed as the green eyes looked him over, feeling as though he were slowly being stripped.

 

“And you must be the demon that has Grelle’s knickers in a twist,” the man purred, stalking forward. “He may be a cock-hound, but at least he has good taste.”

 

Sebastian froze in place with a wide-eyed look on his face as the man … Creature … Thing ... walked around him as though he were a prized beast of burden. He was helpless to prevent the smaller male from pulling him down to inspect his face.

 

“Hm, not the most intelligent being though, is he?”

 

Ciel pushed his hands to his mouth in an attempt at hiding his sniggers at his Butler’s expense.

 

The man glanced at the Young Lord and winked at him before turning back to the unusually silent Undertaker. “However, I didn’t come here to check out eye candy,” he gave a shark-like grin, looking much like Undertaker when he was begging  for a laugh, “I came to pick something up, something that I miss very much, so if you don’t mind Precious?”

 

Ciel gaped as Undertaker ducked his head and muttered something.

 

“I’m sorry my Dear, I didn’t quite catch that,” the man said cheerfully.

 

“I don’t know where I put it,” Undertaker muttered, sounding both terrified and upset.

 

The man’s demeanour changed to something that made even Sebastian shiver in dread. “You mean to tell me, my Dear, that you have not only used my Scythe whilst being retired – without my say so I might add – but you have also lost it?”

 

Undertaker looked down, not answering.

 

“Answer me Precious,” the man ordered.

 

Undertaker refused, still acting like a guilty child.

 

“You will answer me this second! You are not too old for me to bend you over my knee and spank you.”

 

Ciel giggled at the thought of the man before them forcing Undertaker over his knee and spanking him even though the only one in the room that was shorter than him was Ciel himself. Sebastian looked at his Master in shock. Was he in some alternate reality? No one was acting like they usually did.

 

“You have to the count of three. One … Two … Thr-“

 

“Okay! I lost it and I used it without permission. I’m sorry!”

 

The odd man smiled and calmed down considerably. “Good boy,” he said, patting a sobbing Undertaker on the head, none too gently. “You will clean this monstrosity you call a shop and find my Scythe. Everything you have no need for will be gotten rid of. Do I make myself clear?”

 

“Yes,” Undertaker pouted.

 

The man smirked and turned around to face the giggling Ciel.

 

“Stupid old man,” Undertaker muttered as he reached for a biscuit.

 

“What did you just say, young man?” the strong presence from before returned, making Sebastian grab Ciel and move to the furthest corner where the two of them could watch what was occurring without being in the way if either man snapped.

 

“Nothing!” the pale Undertaker almost shrieked in panic.

 

“It was not ‘nothing’,” the man spat, “And you know better than to lie to me Eugene Marion Fitzgerald!”

 

Ciel chocked and ran out the door before releasing the laughter that was building in his stomach, tears rolling down his face. Sebastian looked incredulously at the Yong Earl, whose laughter increased at the sight of the Undertaker being dragged around his shop by the ear as his most prized possessions packed themselves into boxes which then vanished.

 

“That was mean, Papa,” they heard Undertaker grumble, shocking the two of them into silence.

 

“And you will get your stuff back when you prove you deserve it. For now, you are grounded.”

 

“But …”

 

“Just be thankful that I left you your favourite coffin, Eugene. I could make you sleep in a bed!”

 

Ciel couldn’t help but laugh again at the look of horror on Undertaker’s face at both the use of the dreaded name and the threat of a bed.

 

“Now, I’ll just retrieve my Scythe …” the man reached for a chain that was around Undertakers throat and before long, had the exact death scythe that Undertaker normally carried around with him in his hand. He took several minutes to inspect the impressive weapon before closing his eyes and releasing his essence into the weapon, making it glow with an inner fire. “Good, it suffered no damage due to the foolish child.”

 

Undertaker crossed his arms and pouted. The strange man glared Undertaker into submission before turning to Ciel with a smile. “Sorry for the intrusion. I’ll be taking my leave from you all now. If my boy gives you any more trouble, just call for me.”

 

Ciel nodded and chuckled when Sebastian jumped when the stranger pat him on the behind as he left and muttered, “Not bad, not bad at all,” making Sebastian clear his throat uncomfortably.

 

“I bid you all farewell for now,” the man called back as he reached the door.

 

“Hold on,” Ciel called out. “What name should we call should Undertaker go the way he did before?”

 

The man turned with a smirk. “You may call me Harridan, Young Earl – but you will know me better as Death.”

 

Ciel and Sebastian stared after the softly chuckling man as he slowly vanished into thin air before looking at the now depressed Undertaker. Now they understood why the man held such power over both Undertaker and Sebastian – and to think that Death had made Ciel laugh … maybe it would be best NOT to think of that … after all, little good came to those who laughed at Death.

 

Undertaker was the prime example of that.

 

~end~


End file.
